Dividing the Truth
By Chris Dunmire, Mathological Liar
We've all done it: subtracted them, divided them, rounded them, and split them into fractions and percentages, but have you ever wondered where all those discarded numbers go when we're through with them? For example: 5 - 2 = 3. Where does the 2 go? Does it simply vanish into thin air? The truth will shock you.
But first, an anecdote...
Since I claim right-brained dominance (R-Directed Thinking, as Daniel Pink coined in his book "A Whole New Mind"), you might imagine that numbers and logic aren't always my thing. (Words, on the other hand are, and that's why I can't resist playing with the words Mathematician Magician right here in this paragraph!)
In fact, I wasn't keen on mathematics in school. I remember my first meltdown in fourth grade when I wasn't getting long division after being absent for one day — The Introduction to Long Division Day. Already behind on the fundamentals, I wasn't catching on to the teacher's scratchy chalkboard equations and cried to my best friend Cindy during morning recess to tutor me on the side. Imagine: long division being the trigger behind my first panic attack!
Not all of my math-related memories are so bad. Another flashback in this Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing displays me in an intense game of round-the-world-multiplication flashcards in a showdown with Sanjay, our class's leading math wiz.
If you've never heard of it, round-the-world flashcards works like this: two students begin by standing next to one's desk and whoever shouts out the correct answer first when the teacher displays a multiplication flash card wins the round and moves on to challenge the next student at their desk. The loser of the round sits down, while the winner moves on to the next student, and down multiple rows of desks until the end and then starts again. Ideally, by the end of of the game everyone is in a different seat and not their own. If you're still in your own seat, you know you have some multiplication tables to practice.
Okay, back to Sanjay. So he's making his way down each row of desks, undefeated at his Mathological prowess, seating each student challenger back into their own seat. He's getting closer to me, now at Susie's desk in front of mine when our teacher Mrs. Fitzgerald holds up the next multiplication flashcard:
4 x 3 =
Before Susie could count to 12 on her fingers and toes, Sanjay blurted out "Twelve!" and then swiftly took his place next to my desk. I stood up next to him waiting for my defeat.
So my self-esteem wasn't so strong at the moment. I was eight. But c'mon, this was Sanjay. He knew all the answers upside down and backwards. He was on a roll. BUT... I had a secret power that nobody knew, something so great that would change the course of this game for all time. I knew the nines.
You see, up until that day, nobody, not even my best friend Cindy knew how much time and effort I was putting into memorizing the "9" times tables. I was so intent on getting them down pat that I recited a song on the way home from school every day for a week about them:
"1 x 9 = 9
2 x 9 = 18
3 x 9 = 27
4 x 9 = 36
5 x 9 = 45
6 x 9 = 54
7 x 9 = 63
8 x 9 = 72
9 x 9 = 81
10 x 9 = 90
11 x 9 = 99
12 x 9 = 108"
I got the nine's stuck in my brain after catching on to the patterns in the numbers. If you look at the answers in the above list you can see them. Notice as the "tens" digit goes up, the "ones" digit goes down sequentially. And as a visual learner, I could see the numbers in my mind before the logic kicked in. I even sang just the answers: "9, 18, 27, 36, 45, 54, 63, 72, 81, 90, 99, 108."
So Sanjay stood next to me at my desk and Mrs. Fitzgerald held up this flashcard equation:
7 x 9 =
I instinctively blurted out "Sixty-three!" while Sanjay stood inexplicably stumped. Defeated, he sat down in my seat, and I moved on to challenge the next person, highly celebrated as the newly-crowned queen....... for about two seats until Tony, the other math wiz in class got me on some other challenge, probably with sixes and threes. Ah well, easy come, easy go!
Oh, you're still waiting for the shocking revelation as to where discarded numbers go, aren't you? A Daffy answer: My 'th'urent theory is that they go into a big math grave. I know, a thilly answer, but it really was a thilly question! (And since a lot of numbers are discarded, a huge repository is needed. Just to be sure this joke isn't missed: A mass grave for discarded numbers = math grave.)
Now as a Mathematician Magician, I will now subtract myself from this article and disappear. •
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