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Something to Sink Your Teeth Into
By Chris Dunmire, On the Cusp of Halloween
You should have seen the delight in my eyes a few weeks ago when I realized the similarities between the words vampire and umpire after seeing a commercial for some upcoming vampire-ish feature. When you drop the "a" and combine the two, you get... ta-da! vumpire!
Silly? Of course! Sharp? Yesh.
How can I mix vampires with baseball? I pondered.
Bats! Too easy.
Then I thought about baseball gear. Umpires (referees) officiating baseball or softball games typically wear chest protectors and face masks. But a hallmark of Dracula is the pointy penetrative vampire teeth. I compromised the face mask with the invention of official MLB Vumpire Teeth. They go great with the chest protector, right? (The heart's at stake, here... wheeeeeee!)
One thing for sure, nobody will argue with a baseball vumpire! That's a fight surely to draw blood. Sucker-punches at least. But only during night games under a full moon.
Now where's the truly creative component here? In this nifty free Vumpire Gear coloring page, that's where! And while you're getting your crayons out, I'll leave you with an official bottom-of-the-ninth vumpire call:
 [Batter swings and misses a third pitch]
Vumpire: Strike three, you're out!
Batter: [Angry] No way! That was a ball!
Vumpire: I said you're out!
Batter: [Angrier, throws bat down] Bullocks! You wanna piece of me?! .................
Hmmm... what an interesting story this will make. •
© 2009 Chris Dunmire www.chrisdunmire.com All rights reserved. |
