Warning: Silly Canned Cat Humor (Tall Tail) with Printable Coloring Page!
By Chris Dunmire, Tuna Fish Importer
I discovered the secret to making a kitty appear out of thin air. This procedure works especially well after you've tired yourself out searching for your cat in the house with no luck in finding her, with one caveat: she's got to be an indoor cat.
First, I'll call out loudly to kitty with promises of string or laser play just to see if she's anywhere in the house and give her a few minutes to respond in case she's busy making sand castles in the litter box. Knowing she's an indoor cat, when she ignores me I know she's got her selective hearing engaged. No answer, okay. On to step 2.
Next, I'll pull a can of tuna out of the cupboard, take it over to the can opener, seat it firmly, and give it a whirl. This is where the magic happens. When I begin to count back from 10, by number 7 kitty instantly appears in the kitchen, as if she's materialized out of thin air.
At first I wondered if she's simply got the ability to sit on the other side of the dimensional veil (ala Alice in Wonderland's Cheshire Cat) until the magical sound of the can opener vanishes it. Interesting scenario I know, but a simpler explanation revealed itself one day when hubby was in the kitchen making himself a tuna sandwich for lunch and I had a bird's-eye view of kitty sleeping upstairs on a recliner in the loft.
Here's what I heard/saw:
0:00 Heard: Hubby closing cupboard door after retrieving can of tuna.
0.01 Saw: Kitty wakes, attention piqued , wide-eyed with ears tweaking like triangular radars.
0.05 Heard: Can opener opening tuna can.
0.053274 Saw: Kitty shoots out of chair, quickly heading downstairs towards kitchen.
I'm still not sure if cats move twice as fast as people because they have 4 legs (or is that 8 legs? — stay with me here: 2 in the front, 2 in the back, 2 on the left, and 2 on the right), because in a split second she vanished from the reclining chair — so fast that a shadow of her former self (in loose kitty hairs) suspended mid-air before dropping into a nesty pile. Ah, that's why I have to vacuum so much! (My next article will be on how the sound of a vacuum cleaner makes kitty magically disappear!)
Anyway, the inside joke to Nit Wits # 51 (Tuna Catsserole) is in the sweet knowing that whenever kitty gets to eat tuna, she's experiencing a little slice of heaven. Often, the post-tuna eating ritual involves a very contented feline delicately licking her paws and rolling on her back in a good stretch before returning to that warm spot on the chair. (I've suggested many times that she brush her teeth first. Again with the selective hearing!)
Tuna breath or not, cats and tuna go together like, ummm...tuna and cats! And if they are what they eat, I have an 8-pound kitty fish shedding throughout my house.
Your treat for reading this entire silly cat humor piece? You get to download and color my free printable Tuna Catsserole coloring page. It's been fun I know, but meow I gotta go. •
© 2010 Chris Dunmire www.chrisdunmire.com All rights reserved. |
