
Thirty-Four: Growing Posted
Apr-9-2006
Finding and Following an Authentic
Life
"I write to know what I think." Graffito
I've been working on this piece of writing since April
fourth, giving myself permission not to finish
it on that day or the day after. As it turns out, for five
days I've been mulching my thoughts into words, honoring the
writing process and the reflective ritual I 'gift' to myself
on my birth-a-versary.
Writing
has become increasingly meaningful to me over the last year
and more so in the last few weeks since I have been taking
Eric Maisel's Coaching Writer's
training course. In our first
class lesson we discussed why writing is hard work and different
from any other work that we do. Dr. Maisel responded to a snippet
of my assignment with something so true and simple
that was just ripe for me to bite into.
After reading it, I felt something click inside
of my creative core just like a combination lock tumbler falling
into place.
This is part of what I wrote:
When I write what I feel, I am vulnerable. I allow the
possibility to be
rejected or criticized for my thoughts. Should I say that
so bluntly? Or
should I sugar-coat it as not to elicit an emotional response?
Yes, this is
hard work!
And he responded:
I have probably mentioned already that Freud
believed that all creative
blockage was a form of self-censorship. In his estimation,
we do not want to
reveal ourselves, so, even if we say that we want to write,
we don’t really,
as writing reveals our grammar skills, our imaginative skills,
our opinions,
and our insides. There is a lot of truth in this view that
we write so
little because we fear revealing ourselves. The solution? Stop
fearing that!
Stop right now. Stop fearing how you will be viewed and what “people” will
think of you. Just speak. Or else you will be silent.
Just speak. Or else you will be silent. This solution
hit me like a ton of bricks. And then I thought to myself that
despite being hard work, writing really
IS that simple. In
a life aimed towards meaning-making, silence of the creative
soul is not golden. As artists (of any kind), we must find
the courage to speak and reveal that which is in us. This is
what we are called to do.

Callings
by Gregg Levoy
Gregg Levoy's Callings
This week I also finished reading an exceptional book by Gregg
Levoy titled "Callings:
Finding and Following an Authentic Life ." This
was the first library book I've ever had to renew twice in
a row in order to finish. I'm grateful to the library check-out
clerk who bypassed the system to allow me "two
more weeks" after seeing my bookmark wedged deep in the
book with about 25 pages left to go.
Although I consider myself a voracious reader, I couldn't
cruise through this book even if I tried. This work of art
had to be consumed a few pages at a time — which I hungrily
did before falling asleep at night (and sometimes as soon as
I woke up). I started the book at chapter eight
("The Portals of Art") which spoke deeply to the
artist in me. It also inspired me to stop wavering about the
WACOM tablet I've been wanting to try out and finally go
get it. After that, I read the entire book cover to cover.
As with Eric Maisel's creativity coaching courses
I've been working through since October 2005, seven weeks with Callings was
also a welcome journey.
The contemplative nature of Levoy's book forced me to take
a long honest look at what I feel called to do, and affirmed
my resolve to shore up the courage needed to dive
in deeper. The book also helped initiate the process of tying
together a few of the loose ends hanging from the tapestry
that is my life. It's no coincidence that I've been involved
with so many creativity-related trainings and life-enhancing
books this year. I've been actively seeking them out because
I'm ready to begin weaving new threads with different colors,
textures, and fabric blends into this tapestry of mine. I feel
like I've been floating on an apprentice-ship for a long time
and now am preparing to set sail on my own.
If you are exploring your own callings (of any
kind), I highly recommend the personal journey Levoy's book
will lead you through.

The Dreaming
Nearly four weeks
ago I had one of the most unusual dreams about myself
that was so different from any other dream I can remember having.
It reminded me of a segment sliced right out from the Outer
Limits,
but it wasn't. Here's part of the sequence:
I looked over at my bare right shoulder and was shocked
to see big red blistery mounds covering the top
of my arm. In the next moment, white sprouts began shooting
out of the mounds, rapidly growing out from me as if I
were a plant. Was something growing out of me, or was it
me that was growing?
After waking up from my sleep I still felt the raw emotions
running through me from that dream. I didn't used to pay much
attention to the things that I dreamed about, but this dream
seemed extra important to acknowledge and remember. So to capture
it, I dug up and old sketch diary with about 50 blank pages
left in it and made my very first visual journal page about
it. Visual journaling is an interesting thing to do, by the
way. I was inspired to try it after reading Violette's Visual
Journaling by the Seat of Your Pants! project.
One More Reflection
I look back over the last year of my life
and know that I spent it well. I have met many new people,
have tried new things, and continue to open
my mind to the endless possibilities in this world. I am open
to experience and will continue making 2006 a year of alchemy.
I am ready to embrace the next phase of my life
into solid womanhood, knowing that biological time moves forward,
not backwards, for all of us. Thirty-five is not a number
to be feared. It is a milestone to be celebrated. •
© 2006 Chris Dunmire www.chrisdunmire.com.
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