Weaving
Memories into Words  Posted
Mar-05-2005
I woke up this morning with two words on my mind:
emotional memories.
I suddenly realized that I excelled in this.
Some people have photographic memories. Others are keen on
memorizing facts and figures. Well, my strength lies in retrieving
emotional memories. I don't remember who fought the battle
of Waterloo from my 8th grade social studies class, but I remember
how embarrassed and inferior I felt at receiving a "D" on
the test for it.
I remember things I felt all the way back to when I was five.
And by reviewing the tapestry of the following twenty-some
years, I can see it all preserved in emotional stitches. A
nightmare
with an evil magician; embarrassments of kindergarten reprimanding;
being made fun of in second grade. My first
heartbreak at age 10; waves of adolescent self-consciousness
at age 14; fear of upperclassmen as a freshmen. Deep love for
a high school sweetheart and painful hurt at the breakup; anxiety
at the open road to adulthood; fatalistic feelings in the deep
throes of depression.
I can still "feel" the emotional leftovers of those
events. I mean, really feel. Some would say that this comes
from being a Highly
Sensitive Person (the HSP "trait" — an excellent eye-opening
book, by the way). I remember
the joys too — but
the darker things seem to run deeper into my soul.
Having the ability to retrieve emotional memories has mixed
blessings. I have to be careful not to allow them run wild,
or soon they take their toll on me. It's not useful or wise
to punish myself over and over with past disappointments and
hurts. But it can happen easily if I'm tired or stressed out.
The good that comes from this is having an amazing reservoir
of elements to draw from in my creative work. A lot of my "good" writing
weaves these memories into words and thoughts that resonate
with others. Having several people tell me they've
been "moved" by
my writing helps me realize this more.
The first time this happened was in 1996 when I wrote a paper
for a college class titled Tom as
a tribute to my older brother who died in an accident.
It was no coincidence that I began to understand the healing
aspects of writing during the course of the project, and it
reflected poignantly in the paper. I soon understood the power
writing afforded me in emotional release, and after each person
who read the paper gave me their impressions on it, I was amazed
that it impacted them so much. My friend Patrick told me it
read like a Reader's Digest story. I soon learned
that through my own emotional memories, I was able to connect
with people
on a powerful level.
I was reminded again how effective my emotional memories played
out in my writing by two readers of the June 2004 Creativity
Portal Newsletter. It included an essay titled Seeds
of Creativity about an artistic friend I reconnected
with after a number of years at a local art show. Within
minutes of sending
out the newsletter, one reader wrote back with, "This
little essay was incredibly powerful for me." A few minutes
later another wrote, "I was touched by your story..." I
was pleasantly surprised and grateful at the feedback.
I'm sure I woke up this morning with the words "emotional
memories" on my mind because a couple of days ago I reviewed
the aforementioned feedback. Ever since I decided to throw
myself into writing more reflectively on Creative Slush, I've
been tapping into my emotional memories. I decided that if
I want to continue to develop my writing skills and style,
I would have to practice more. And with inspiration from Julia
Cameron and an assortment of other creative people, that's
just what I've been doing.
This little epiphany of mine today has been quite eye opening.
I grew a new perspective on memory and realized at least three
kinds people possess: Mental, Visual, and Emotional.
Understanding where my memory strength lies is liberating.
Now, instead of
being
frustrated
over my lack of remembering facts and figures or minute visual
details, I'll appreciate my newfound "gift" of enduring
emotional memory. Oh, and this enlightened feeling I have right
now — I'll remember that too. (© 2005 Chris Dunmire) •
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