Catching Up on Birthdays

By Chris Dunmire

What would you do if someone told you that you couldn't celebrate your birthday this year? Would it be a big deal to you, or would you think, "You're crazy!"

I grew up in a family that didn't celebrate birthdays the way most people do. In fact, due to adhering to a particular interpretation of religious belief, we didn't celebrate them at all. The same went for celebrating other Amercian and religious holidays and most other Hallmark occasions: Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, New Years...

Despite the ixnay on birthdays, every year that April fourth came around I knew deep down inside that it was my special day, but I wasn't allowed to acknowledge the day in any extraordinary way, take cupcakes to school, or eat the birthday treats of fellow schoolmates on their birthdays either. Couple that with the ironic coincidence that my sister was also born on April fourth (seven years earlier), made the day stand out as doubly significant to me. Still, I wasn't allowed to express joy or happiness about my (or my sister's) day of birth or participate in any celebration of it.

This seemingly odd tradition went on in my life until my mid-20s, when I decided to analyze the beliefs I was raised with. I started to question everything I was taught and evaluated the inherited belief system (religious and otherwise) of my parents. Once that process began, there was no turning back. Thinking and reasoning for myself produced an inevitability: I began to allow myself to live authentically and behaved in ways I consciously knew were right for me. Acknowledging the anniversary of my birth was important to me. Celebrating another year of life was important to me. Acting like I mattered in the vast sea of humankind was important to me.

The many years of "birthday repression" has undoubtedly affected how I feel about my day of birth. It's forced me beyond the shallow surface of birthday celebrations into a quiet thankfulness for another year of life. While I wasn't allowed to celebrate outwardly, I began to celebrate inwardly, while truly appreciating the one day out of the year that belonged to me. It reminded me that I wasn't insignificant; my being here did matter; and my life was worth honoring.

The anniversary of the day I was born evolved beyond birthday balloons and superficial wishes into a personal checkpoint for learned lessons, notable accomplishments, and future goals. It became an extraordinary day to celebrate in a way that felt right to me. I still don't expect others to do anything special for me on my birthday, but I make sure that I honor my day however I see fit. Sometimes that includes "Happy Birthday" notions, and other times it's just gratitude about still being around. •

© 2004, 2009 Chris Dunmire. All rights reserved.